Wait is a Four Letter Word

I like plans. I appreciate knowing what the next step is and being prepared for it. I enjoy forward progress and the feeling of getting things done.
So, you can imagine my disappointment when I heard our Realtor tell us that our house was probably going to sell for much less than we had anticipated. Apparently the market isn't as alive as it was when we bought the house. Although houses are selling again, they aren't selling for as much as they did even three years ago. Dane and I were prepared to break even on the sale of our house, but our Realtor was now telling us that we needed to be prepared to lose money. Breaking even couldn't be our goal, instead walking away as unscathed as possible would be our new one.
After some tears, frustration, and talking over our options we came to the conclusion that our only viable option is to, yep you guessed it...wait.
When I accepted this new job (an hour away from our home in St. Louis) we had not planned on moving so our savings was not prepared for that. We had some money set aside that we could put towards another house and had even been pre-approved for a home loan. But we certainly don't have enough to put towards another house AND put towards the cost of selling ours. It would not be a financially responsible decision in any way whatsoever.
So, we'll wait.
This has not been easy for me to accept. Remember when I said that I like plans? Appreciate knowing the next step? For me, this feels like running straight into a brick wall. Progress halted. Plans changed. Major setback.
So...naturally, I felt sorry for myself. Not moving now means spending 2 hours in the car everyday! It means losing that money to gas that could be going towards something else. It means staying in a house that we feel we've outgrown. It means changing my plans. It means waiting.
I got into work today not looking forward to having to interact with people and put on a cheery face. I don't want to be cheery. I'm frustrated and my plan is not working out like I had hoped it would. I'm having to make adjustments where I didn't want to. I'm having to change my course of action. I'm being told to wait.
And then...
My first session this morning slapped me upside the face. I swear, at times I learn more from my clients than they probably do from me. This client has not had an easy life. This client has experienced less stability, financial peace, love, safety, and nurturing than most people you will encounter on a daily basis. And yet, this client is always smiling. Seriously. And today, in the midst of sharing some frustrations this client looked at me and said, "But, you know, God is awesome and faithful in all ways."
What the?!?!?
I swear, God was using this client to speak to me. Such a blatant reminder when I was feeling so sorry for myself. Feeling so irritated, angry, confused and frustrated that God has told us to wait.
Just stop it, Mallory! God is awesome. God is faithful in ALL ways. He has told us to wait before and He has always proven that His timing is perfect...not mine.
So, we'll wait. I will continue to commute to a job I love. We will be more aggressive in putting money into our savings account. We will continue to pay the mortgage on our current home so that when we put in on the market again in (hopefully) a year will be in a better financial situation. We will make some minor improvements to the house. We will de-clutter a lot because I feel like I'm drowning in toys. We will PATIENTLY, JOYFULLY...wait.

God's time is always just in time.

Happy Birthday

Tomorrow would be my mom's 52nd birthday. I was just sitting here thinking about how we would celebrate if she were still here...
I'm sure I would call or text her in the morning. I'd probably give her a shout out on Facebook....something like: "Happy Birthday to the most self-less, loving mom and grandma there is." Her page would undoubtedly be flooded with wonderful birthday wishes. We would probably go out to dinner as a family...I'm thinking, Pasta House? She's get their salad and, of course, the pasta con broccoli. I would probably give her a gift that involved her grand kids...maybe a picture book or a nice framed picture of her and the three of them. She would love it. My son would want to sit on her lap and she would - lovingly, eagerly, selflessly - allow him to - sit, climb, squirm - as much as he wanted. But he probably wouldn't squirm too much on her lap. He would be calm and comforted in her arms as most babies were (I often thought of her as a baby whisperer). We'd have cake and ice cream...or maybe an ice cream cake. We'd laugh.

I would marvel at this woman who is my mom. I would wonder how she did it. How she raised three kids while working full time. How she managed to grow with her husband through all the ups and downs of their relationship...more in love today than when they first met. How wonderful she is with her grand kids and how blessed they are to be loved by her. How she showed (and continues to show) Christ's love to all she encounters. I would be overcome with relief and joy and gratefulness that she is my mom. That I get to learn from her. That I get to be loved by her. That I can be friends with her now instead of only just her daughter.

It would be lovely.

Instead...I will celebrate the life my mom lived and the legacy of love she left behind. I will still be overcome with relief, joy and gratefulness that she was my mom and that I get to hold tight to the memory of her. I will be blessed by the people who share with me memories of my mom, as she touched so many lives. I will tell my son about his wonderful grandma Rhonda who loves him so much. I might cry a little. But mostly, I'll be happy that she was born on April 10, 1961. That she fell in love with a guy with an afro in high school and then eventually married him. That she followed God's calling on her life to become a teacher. That she gave birth to my two brothers and myself.  That she was beautiful even at her worst. That she loved so easily and completely. And that I got to spend 17 years of my life with her. 

Happy birthday, Mom. 

Easter

Easter this year was pretty good. It was a beautiful day so Reed got to spend a lot of time playing outside. He was also able to participate in an Easter egg hunt with his cousin Dakota this year. He had a lot of fun.
I read him the Easter story from the Jesus Storybook Bible and talked to him on Easter about the gift that Christ gave us on that day so long ago. I know he doesn't understand it now, but I still want him to hear it and one day know that Easter is special because of the grace given to us through Jesus' death and that we celebrate because the tomb was (and still is) empty. That no matter what life throws our way we can rest in that assurance...Christ has already won whatever battle we're in the midst of because on the first Easter that tomb was empty.

In other news...it looks like Dane and I are going to be listing our house in St. Louis in the beginning of May. Please be praying that things go smoothly (selling our house, buying one in G-ville, Dane finding a job on the E. side, finances...). We haven't started looking in Greenville and don't really want to until we know our house is going to sell. The timing of everything is stressful, but I am trying to rest in the fact that God has gone before us and has figured it all out already...so why do I need to worry?

Outside of that major life changer, there isn't much to report.

 Easter at my dads.

My guy.  

 Easter crafts with dad.

 Reed got to watch Aunt Darci play softball. 

 Reed has transitioned to the Big Boy bed. He loves it and he loves this bed set. 

Helping in the kitchen. He loves to cook and he loves to eat. 

The next time I blog our house could officially be on the market. I'm not scared...I'm not scared...I'm not scared....