Reed is FOUR!!!

Yesterday Reed turned 4 years old. Gone is the baby and in place is a little boy. Bittersweet for sure. I'm so glad that he's growing up and that he's becoming independent and his own little person. And at the same time it's hard to accept that soon he won't want to kiss me goodbye or need me to lay in bed with him before he goes to sleep.

He had a great birthday. When he woke, we sang happy birthday to him and he got to open two presents. The first was his birthday outfit and the second was a gift that had arrived in the mail a couple of days earlier from Oma and Opa. He'd been itching to open it since it arrived and was so excited when he did. He is really into a show on Netlflix called Rescue Bots (it's a Transformer's show) and Oma and Opa had sent him Transformers! He played with them  until it was time to leave and then brought them along for his show and tell item at preschool.

At preschool he was given a birthday crown to wear and brought cupcakes to share with his friends. He and I went out for birthday lunch (he picked DQ) and then his babysitter took him to the gym to play around for the rest of the afternoon.

At home he opened the rest of his gifts and was most excited about his new string trimmer and lawn service shirt (which he promptly put on and then requested to sleep in as well). He picked mini meatloaves and mashed potatoes for his birthday dinner and blew out his 4 candles on a Hostess cupcake. And all evening he kept telling me and Dane, "Thank you for thinking of me mama and daddy. That was so kind." He has such a sweet heart.

On Saturday we will have family over for his birthday party. I will try my hand at making cupcakes and icing from scratch. So I apologize in advance to anyone who has to eat them ;) He requested baseball cupcakes and lawnmower cupcakes. I'm confident I can pull this off. Talk to me on Friday night and that story might have changed.

Some pics:

 Excited about his Transformers. Can you tell? 

 Showing his sister how the string trimmer works. 

She's gotta know this stuff if she's gonna be his assistant like he plans. 

 Birthday lunch. 

Love this pic of him. Captures a lot of his personality. 

 Stud. 

Good looking group. My friend Danielle did a great job on our family pics this year. 

Dane and I continue to be blessed as Reed's parents. He challenges us and brings us much joy. His preschool teachers tell me how kind he is. He is so proud of his Claire Irene. He is full of life and curiosity about the world around him. He amazes me with his memory and his thoughtfulness (just the other day he gave his only quarter to a bell ringer without any prompting from me). I thank God that I'm his mom and look forward to seeing how he will use his gifts to bring glory to the Father. 

Happy 4th Birthday Speedy Reedy!!!

Half Birthday!!!

Claire is already 6 months old. Wow. Time is flying by so much faster than it seemed to with Reed. Before we know it, we'll be celebrating her birthday.
She will see her doctor on Friday, so I don't have her 6 month stats. Suffice it to say that I'm sure she has doubled her birth weight by now. She's a bit of a chunker. Carries it in her thighs.

She is sitting up unassisted for longer periods of time. She scoots around on her belly and if she's there long enough will even push up onto her knees for a bit. We've started her on some baby food, but haven't been super consistent. We'll have to start that now though. She's had peas (which she is not a super fan of) and applesauce (which she seems to like just fine). She's still not too sure what to make of the solid food though.

We will meet with the pediatric neurologist on Wednesday. After her initial MRI he wanted to see her at 6 months. We don't know if he'll order another MRI, but we're hopeful that he won't. Claire is showing no signs of concern whatsoever (Praise the Lord!) and continues to develop as a normal, healthy, happy, baby girl.

Reed has really come into stride as her big brother. It seems that the worst of his transition is over and he is just a really great kid to be around again. He's funny. He's kind. He's encouraging. He tells Claire how much he loves her and talks about how cute she is. She is "his Claire Irene."

Speaking of Reed...his 4th birthday is in two weeks! How do my kids keep growing up so fast?!?!?!

I'm excited to do the holidays with two kids this year. As a parent, the holidays definitely become more about the joy on your children's faces and getting to share with them why we celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas at all. Such a fun time and a great chance to make memories. Reed is already asking to make snow ice cream with Daddy again :)

6 Months!!!!

Those thighs. Seriously. 

Just being cute. 

Exploring with Daddy. 

Reed got to go to Mr. Ben's work. It was heaven. 

Speedy Reedy Lawn Service for his first trick or treating adventure. 

Dane and I continue to be blessed. 

5 Months

I cannot believe that Claire is already 5 months old. That makes her only one month away from 6 months! (impressive math skills, huh?).
She is still a chunky monkey with thighs that won't quit. She's still a rock star sleeper (although this week she's struggled a bit). She is still super chill (a trait obviously inherited from her father).
She is working really hard at sitting up unassisted.
She smiles a ton and laughs a lot too (mostly at her big brother).
She's tried some sweet potatoes, but I'm not really pushing solid foods at the moment. Her doctor says she's fine until 6 months, so I'm not putting too much pressure on myself right now to make that a part of her daily deal.
She went on her first camping trip last month. It was an adventure. Have you ever been camping with a 3 year old and a 4 month old? It really could have been worse, but just confirmed that I am not the camping type. In the future, this can be something Dane shares with the kids. I'll just find something else obviously much more awesome...any ideas?

Claire was also dedicated at church last week. We made a covenant before our church to raise her in the knowledge of the Lord. To pray for her and to teach her to pray. To love her as Christ loves us. And our church made a covenant to help us and support us in those efforts. Of course we will fail, but thank God for forgiveness and grace and the opportunities to show that to our kids as well.
My dad, Pat and Pop were able to attend and it was nice to share that with them.

Claire will have her 6 month check-up in November. She will also have another MRI (although this has yet to be scheduled). We continue to praise God for her completely "normal" development so far.

In other news...we took our house off of the market. We don't need to sell it and so when given the option of a price drop or taking it off the market, we chose the latter. We'll just try again in the spring...maybe. And since we're not moving right now, I've decided we need to do some small renovations (changing some paint colors, updating window treatments...) to liven the place up a bit. Dane's on board, so hopefully we can get started on some of that stuff next month.

Lots of pics for you today :)

 At a friends baby shower

 Bed head. 

 Working on sitting up

 Speedy Reedy's Lawn Service

 Dedication

Surprised him with lunch after preschool.

 Goofball.

 Love. 

 Camping

5 Months! 

This Too Shall Pass

***Disclaimer***
This post is a portrait of the real struggles of a mom and her trying preschooler. I don't want to paint a bad picture of my son and hesitated to post this because of that. But in the end felt that there is beauty in our struggles and maybe in sharing my own another mama will be encouraged. 

I keep having to remind myself that "this too shall pass." The season we are in right now won't last forever. And God's grace and peace are enough to get us through.

Three has been a hard year for Reed. Don't get me wrong..he's a great kid. He's thoughtful and loving. He's kind and funny. It's so much fun to be able to carry on a conversation with him. And he is so curious about everything! When it's good, it's really good. But when it's bad...oh boy.

When he was about two I began to realize that we probably had what they call a "strong-willed" or "spirited" child on our hands. He is a bit more intense, more persistent, more energetic, more aware of justice, more, more, more. He doesn't just throw a tantrum. He throws a tantrum. I've since learned that these are what they call "spill over" tantrums. His emotions have been bottled up and then something sets him off and they just spill over and he's no longer rational or in control. For Reed it culminates in a lot of anger that subsides to lots of tears. The best thing to do is allow him to safely express these emotions and try (try really hard) not to lose our cool ourselves.
So, three has been hard. But three has been even harder since Claire has arrived. He LOVES his little sister so stinkin' much. She is the first thing he wants to see in the morning and he showers her with kisses and hugs throughout the day. But he's struggling with the fact that she gets any attention at all. And unfortunately, he had a really rough day at his sitter's last week.
Now, Dane and I have seen this before but he usually reserves this behavior just for us (lucky us, huh?). So, to hear that he had acted that way in front of her was hard. As a mom I felt so responsible for this behavior and it was even worse because I didn't (and still don't) have a solution. There are things that work sometimes but at other times only serve to make the situation worse.
So I met with her the next morning while Reed was at preschool. I remember texting Dane and saying that I was nervous to talk to her because I didn't have a solution and wasn't sure what to say. I just wanted to make it clear that we were working on one. That we aren't just letting this behavior exist without addressing it. That she has permission to discipline him and that if ever there is a day like that again she needs to call me. We also reminded ourselves that Reed has had a new sister, changed babysitters, started preschool and is aware that our house is on the market and we hope to move soon. That's a lot of change in a few short months!
The conversation went really well and I think we both felt better after.
For the next couple of days I cried a lot. I prayed a lot. And then I started to think about what I know about Reed and what he needs. He is a kinesthetic learner. He needs to be constantly stimulated (I'm not exaggerating when I say that in all his life I'm not sure that he's sat still for longer than 20 minutes at a time unless he's asleep). He likes to feel responsible and thinks of himself as a much bigger kid than he actually is. He has no problem in preschool or Sunday school because he's allowed to explore, play, and create.
Taking this into consideration, I decided that the first thing we would do was create an "activity box" for him to take to his sitter's. We gathered some things from around the house (Legos, play doh, cars) and then headed to Target to explore their $1 section. After getting some coloring books, paints, and dinosaurs we packed up his box and brought it with him on Monday. This seemed to help and kept his curiosity engaged. I'm so glad for this, and I also know that I will need to rotate activities out of this box because he will soon grow bored with his current options.
I also gathered some tips and tricks of things that work most of the time(some from me and Dane and some from Gma Pat who watches him on Fridays) to take to his sitter in the hopes that they will work for her too.
Some good friends and family reminded me over and over again that they were praying, and that Reed is such an awesome kid. And that a lot of the characteristics that are challenging now will serve him greatly in the future. It was so good to have that encouragement.
So, that's where we are. This week has been better. I know it's a day to day thing and that we just need to remain consistent and make sure he knows just how much he's loved. At the end of the day that's really what matters.
And the things I cherish in my heart are moments like these:

Last week we took Claire to her 4 month check-up and while in the waiting room Reed noticed a girl (about 6 or 7) crying on her mom's lap. He found a book that he likes to read with me at home and brought it over to the girl saying "here, this will make you feel better."

Reed asks about Grandma Rhonda a lot. A few weeks ago he asked if I miss her. I told him I miss her everyday. He asked why and I explained that she was my mommy and I miss her  because I never get to see her or talk to her. A bit later he came over and hugged me and said "mama, I'm hugging you because you miss your mommy." He continues to do this randomly....as if he just knows when I need the extra love.

And when he prays at night...the things he thanks God for are sometimes so funny ("God, thank you for my lawn mower") and sometimes so sweet ("God thank you for giving me a little sister. I just love her so much.")
He is so sensitive to the feelings of others. His heart is big. We are blessed to be his parents.

And Miss Claire is 4 months old today!!! She is in the 90% for her length and weight (25in,  16.3lbs) and is already rolling over from both tummy and back. She's still a rock star sleeper and still such a smiley, sweet, easy baby. Upon hearing that she is rolling over and starting to laugh her doctor stated, "Well, I just think she's really trying to tell us that we don't need to worry about her brain development. Not only is she doing well, but she's even a little ahead!" She will have another MRI at 6 months...but so far so good!
When I look at her I am reminded of God's promise of peace. He really is so good to us.

 4 months!!!

 A Culver's ice cream beard and beautiful brown eyes :)

 1st Day of Preschool

She thinks he's hilarious

So, in summary...

• We have two great kids. 
• I'm challenging myself to look at each day with a glass half full perspective (sometimes this is hard!). 
• God's grace and peace are enough. 
• This too shall pass.

I'm so excited to see the kind of man Reed turns out to be...but I don't want that day to come too quickly ;)

What's In a Name?

On my drive into work this morning I was thinking about how my children will live up to the names we've given them. In naming our kids it was important for us to come up with names that honor our families and the people who have come before our kids and influenced either Dane, myself, or us both.

You all know that Reed was named after my mom who's maiden name was Reeds. Now, the name Reed in and of itself doesn't mean anything super special (it was a name used to describe redheads in Old English times and was later used to describe people living in sort of swampy places). But as far as honoring the Reeds family and my mom, I think my Reed is living up to his name. He is passionate and kind. He is thoughtful and curious. He is perceptive and eager to learn. My mom was also many of those traits and I know she would be so proud of him. It makes me smile to talk to him about the amazing woman his name comes from. I hope he will one day be proud of his name.

His middle name is Allen. He was given this name to honor his dad and his grandpa who both share the same middle name. Allen actually means, "handsome." And with his big brown eyes and super long lashes...well it just goes without saying that he's certainly living up to the meaning of that one ;)

Claire is only three months old and so we obviously don't know yet exactly what kind of little person she will become. I've already shared with you the meaning of her name in a previous post. Claire Irene means "clear, bright peace." In a pregnancy fraught with lots of emotion her name did bring us peace. It was a reminder that God was in control of whatever outcome.

But we can see that she is already living up to her name. She has such a bright smile and flashes it around all the time. She is a peaceful baby, fussing rarely and sleeping so well already. It appears as though she may have her dad's laid back temperament.

I hope that my kids will grow up knowing just how much thought we put into their names. I hope they are eager to learn about the people for whom they are named. My mom, my grandma...both women who influenced my life in ways I can't fully express or thank them for. Both strong, faithful women. Women who had a desire to help others and share God's love by doing.
Dane too was influenced greatly by my grandma and how she served others. She was a woman who didn't stop and shared her love (and cookies) freely. And while Dane never knew my mom she has influenced him through me and the kind of wife and mom I aim to be.

Names are something we carry for our entire lives. I've always loved my name. Mallory, original, yet not too crazy...and Catherine, classic and a connection to an aunt I love.
It's funny that Mallory actually means "unlucky" because I do believe I've been blessed greatly.

Claire will be three months old tomorrow. She is super sweet, chunky, smiley, and a rock star sleeper. She usually sleeps from about 10:30p to 5:30 or 6am. Occasionally she will wake up earlier but after she nurses she goes right back to sleep for a couple more hours. It really is a blessing, that is not lost on us. She's just so laid back...she must get that from Dane ;)

Last weekend we went to the IL State Fair. This is something Dane grew up doing every summer and a tradition we have carried on with Reed, and now Claire. It was a good weekend and Reed got to help both his grandpa and Dane's Uncle Kelly mow their lawns. He even earned $2 for helping Uncle Kelly and declared that his lawn service business is now real because it has made money. I may have to frame one of those dollars ;)

This week I went back to work. It seems that the kids new sitter is doing well with them. On Reed's first day he was happy to report that he got to help her husband mow the lawn. He will forever love them now and ask daily if he can mow their lawn again. He eats, sleeps, and breathes lawn work.

 Sibling love

 Claire's first fair

 All smiles

A hat advertising the lawn service a friend of ours works for. Reed's new favorite. 

Life At 10 Weeks

Claire will be 10 weeks on Thursday. We were pleased to find out that she had gained three pounds between her 1 month appointment and her 2 month appointment and now weighs in at a hefty 13 pounds. She is also continuing to stay on track with her neurological development and we are so happy about that. She's smiling and cooing a lot now. And let me just tell you that her smile is the best thing ever. She is such a happy little girl.
I'm also glad to say that shortly after I wrote my last blog post and expressed my frustrations with breast feeding, we seemed to break through a wall and things have gotten so much better. She is 90% breastfed and has taken feedings down from an hour to about 20-30 mins. She gets a bottle before bed so that Dane can get a chance to feed her and I can get an opportunity to pump to build up a supply for when I go back to work. That first month-6 weeks of breastfeeding is really hard. I'm so glad that Dane kept encouraging me and supported whatever decision I chose to make. I'm thankful for the time I've had off of work to really put the effort into making breastfeeding work and I'm glad that I have given myself the allowance to give her the occasional bottle of formula. If I hadn't had this time off I would have thrown in the towel. My goal now is to try and continue breastfeeding for at least 6 months (longer would be awesome!) but we'll have to see how things will change/adjust when I'm back at work and pumping primarily (I never produce a ton when I pump).
We have found a new sitter for Reed and Claire and a pre-school for Reed. We weren't sure if we should continue with Reed's current sitter in St. Louis or find a new one in Illinois closer to where I work and we would like to be moving (soon, Lord?). In the end the Lord opened up an opportunity for us to switch the kids to a woman in Greenville just minutes from the college. She is a professor's wife and has years of experience working at a local pre-school (in fact, the one Reed will be attending). I brought them to her house today so they could hang out and get to know one another a bit before I go back to work. I left for about an hour and a half to see how it would go without me there. Claire didn't cry (as I had feared she would) and Reed had a blast checking out their lawn equipment (you guys...you don't even know this kids love for lawn equipment....seriously). It was just further confirmation that this is the right choice. For now, they will ride an hour each way with me (not so fun) but we hope this will change when/if we sell our house. It will be so nice to have them just minutes away. I can pop over during my lunch hour and be close if something happens and they need me. In the end, the pros outweighed the cons so we're moving forward with this plan. They will also still stay with Pat one day a week and get that quality time with her and my Pop. So grateful for that.
Our house has been on the market for three weeks now. We had two showings right away but haven't seen any action in almost two weeks now. I keep stressing out about this, but Dane keeps reminding me that it will sell when it's supposed to and that it doesn't matter how many showings we have because all we need is that one buyer to come in and make an offer. So...I'm trying to take his approach and be at peace, trusting in God's plan.
I go back to work next month and am super stressed about creating a new routine. I feel like we just settled into our routine with two kids and now we will have to adjust to another one. But in the end I know we will and all will be well.

Such a handsome little dude

Reed says she's his "best friend forever"

Fourth of July

Getting ready to use a real leaf blower. He was in heaven. 

2 months old

Smiley

Dane and I are super blessed with our two kiddos...even on the bad days :)

1 Month Down...

Well, we've officially survived our first month with two children. Claire was one month old on the 16th and had her doctor's appointment on the 17th.
She is healthy and happy. She is 10 lbs and 22 inches. The doctor was glad to see that she is tracking objects and focusing which is what they would look for in any infant her age. This is great news for her neurological development.
She only gained a pound and a half from our last appointment which he said was on the "lower side of acceptable" and said that if things continue like that or get worse we may need to consider supplementing.
It was all I could do not to cry right there.
You see, I've been struggling with breastfeeding and feeling very frustrated with it. Claire nurses for up to an hour and then still acts as if she is hungry only to feed again an hour later. It gets to be very hard some days when Reed really  needs my attention and I'm not able to give it to him 100% because Claire  needs to eat.
I wanted so badly to provide this for her. I know that breast milk is what is best for her and her neurological development...but I'm not gonna lie, there have been days I have been reduced to tears due to my frustration with feeding and feeling as though I will never be able to get a break or leave my house for more than an hour.
After a really rough day last week in which Claire seemed to want to eat all day and never seemed satisfied, Dane and I made the decision to start supplementing her feedings. I still nurse whenever I can and I pump when she is getting a bottle but there are times when it is absolutely necessary for her to get formula rather than settling in for an hour of nursing. Like when we're trying to leave for church in the morning and she needs to eat.
I battled my mom guilt for a while on this one but am at peace with our current situation. I know that she is still getting mostly breast milk and found that Enfamil actually makes a formula specifically for supplementing.
I know this is not my fault. I simply don't produce enough to keep up with her growing body's demand. My mom had the same problem. And my dad reminded me that God has a plan which even includes how much breast milk my daughter will receive ;)
I have to be satisfied with just doing my best and trusting that He'll take care of the rest.
We'll go back in a month and I'm anxious to find out her weight gain then.

Overall she is a pretty easy baby. Of course we've had a couple rough days and a few "bad" nights, but she really does pretty well. She sleeps for about 3 hours at a time and usually goes right back to sleep after eating. She's starting to smile now and the doctor said we can be on the lookout for her social smile soon.
We continue to be encouraged that her neurological development seems to be appropriate for her age.

Reed wants to hold her a lot. He likes to squish her "chubby cheeks" and look at her tiny feet. He often says "I just love her so much!" He has to be reminded to be gentle and still struggles with sharing the attention (he seems to forget how to listen to us on those days...) but I know that this phase will pass and we will survive.

In other non-kid related news...we are putting our house on the market this week. How crazy are we? We have no idea if it will sell, but we figured it doesn't cost any money to try. We'll leave it on the market a few months and see what happens. We'll be at peace with whatever God's plan is for us and our family right now.

Meet Claire Irene

I warn you now, this will be lengthy. There's a lot to update you on! 

Claire Irene Sample was born on May 16, 2014 at 8:18 in the morning. She was 20.5 inches long and weighed a whopping 9 pounds 3 ounces. We were all a little surprised at that since her last ultrasound estimated her weight to be about 7 pounds.

I woke up on the morning of the 15th feeling really crampy. I had been feeling this way off an on for about a week and so I didn't put much stock in it. However, I noticed after about a half an hour that the pain/discomfort didn't seem to be letting up like it had been doing previously. I told Dane to go ahead and go to work and that I'd just keep an eye on it. I had an 8:45am appointment scheduled for my weekly fetal monitoring at the hospital and figured I could just ask them if they thought I was in labor or not. 

I had Reed with me because I thought he might enjoy getting to hear the baby's heart beat and seeing her on the ultrasound. We walked in and I signed in at the desk while Reed went over to the kids corner. As I walked over to be with him a nurse passed me and said, "are you alright, hon?" I told her I thought I was having contractions and she immediately brought me back to sit and begin my monitoring. Apparently I looked a lot worse than I thought ;) 

She told me that I was having contractions that were about 3 minutes apart. They weren't super strong but they were frequent, but it appeared that I was in early labor. They called my doctor and she said to go ahead and admit me. 

Pat came to get Reed and Dane left work to come and be with me. 

I was 3cm dilated at the time they admitted me and my labor progressed pretty slowly. I had frequent contractions that just never got super strong. By the evening I was only about 4cm's so they decided to break my water and start a slow pitocin drip. At this point I also opted for the epidural. 

We "slept" as much as we could that night and by early morning it was just about go time. I'll skip all the gory details and just say that while she weighed more than Reed I had a much easier time delivering her. 

A little bit after she was born, my dad and Pat brought big bro up to the hospital. Reed was super excited to come and finally meet his baby sister :)

Now, how did we settle on her name you ask? 

Well, I had liked Claire for a while and Dane and I knew we wanted to name our daughter after my grandma, Betty Irene, who meant a lot to us both. I had proposed Claire Irene and while we were pretty certain this would be her name, Dane was still considering it. 

After our 20 week appointment when we found out we would need to follow up on a possible brain concern, I was obviously a bit worried. That night I was on the couch trying not to fall prey to my fears. I decided to Google the meaning of the name Claire Irene since that was what I was pretty sure she'd be named. What I found completely solidified her name for us. 

I typed in "Claire" and found that it means "clear, or bright."

Then, I typed in "Irene" and felt the Lord speaking to me. You see, Irene means "peace." My computer screen was filled with the word "peace." The very thing I had been praying for the entire pregnancy. The very thing I had been praying for just moments before as I sat worrying on my couch. 

I knew God was telling me that our little girl, our "clear, bright peace" would be fine. That I need not be so upset, that He was taking care of her and that I could be at peace.

And so now, we have the results of her MRI. Dane and I met with the neurologist just this afternoon. Claire does indeed have Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum. This is what we were prepared for. This is what was expected all along. But despite that, the news is good. As good as it could possibly be in fact. There were no other abnormalities or concerns found. She is an extremely "normal" baby. She has had no problem doing all the things that normal babies do. If we had not been made aware of her ACC there would be no outward signs that anything was "wrong" with her. The doctor was very hopeful (of course he can't say with any kind of certainty) that we can expect her to have little to no delays as she grows and develops. It appears that her case of ACC is what they call an isolated incident, meaning that it was not caused by/is occurring with some other abnormality. 

She is really an easy baby so far. She sleeps well, she eats well, and she cries sparingly. Reed is reacting to her like any 3.5 year old would. He loves her and is super interested in her, but is also acting out a bit more and wanting to make sure he still has mom and dad's love and attention. 

Tomorrow is Dane's last day of paternity leave so prayers are welcome for me. I'm a little nervous about having two kids by myself all day. I think once we establish our routine we'll be fine, but it's gonna be tough at first. I'm super thankful that Pat has offered to keep her Thursday's with Reed and will also be taking him to VBS at her church for a week in June. 

Thank you all for praying with and for us and our baby girl throughout the last few months. We truly felt the love of the community of believers we have. It brought us a lot of comfort and peace. We know we are super blessed.

One last thing...Reed has to have a third eye surgery next week (June 6) to correct a vertical misalignment in his right eye. This is not uncommon for kids with strabismus (to have to have multiple surgeries as they grow) but it's no fun nonetheless. I'm a bit nervous because this will be the first surgery that he will be old enough to remember/understand and as his mom, that's gonna be hard. Prayers that all goes well and it ends up just being no big deal at all. 

The Final Countdown!

Oh goodness you guys. We will be meeting this little girl so soon!

There isn't much new information to write about regarding her neurological issues. We met with the pediatric neurologist. He was very nice and gave us some good information. On the day after she is born they will conduct an MRI in order to determine if (a) the corpus callosum is entirely absent, partially absent, or not absent at all, and (b) if there are any other abnormalities not detected on the ultrasounds. This gave me some peace. I had images of them taking her from me moments after she was born to perform this test. Luckily we will have some time with her and we will even be able to go with her as they perform the MRI. We learned that she will also have an eye doctor and another kind of doctor (I forgot) check in on her because issues with the corpus callosum could cause problems with the optic nerves and the endocrine system due to their placement in the brain right next to the cc. He told us that aside from the mild ventriculomegaly and possible absence of the cc, her brain looks normal. It has stayed in the normal growth range for brain development and her head size has as well. This is very encouraging and is more evidence that her neurological abnormalities could have little to no affect on her. But, as always, we'll have to wait and see.

She will be evaluated right after birth to determine if she needs to spend any time in the NICU, but the doctors are pretty confident that she won't have to. Dane and I are going to tour the NICU and meet with some nurses there, however, so we can be prepared if she does end up needing to be there for a bit. We will also have one more ultrasound (next week) to check out the brain, head size, and ventricles.

About 3 weeks ago I began weekly monitoring. Every Thursday morning I head to the Mercy Maternal and Fetal Health Center. I have a brief ultrasound done that simply measures the fluid levels around the baby (no looking at the brain) and then I get set up to have the baby's heart monitored. The heart monitoring takes at minimum 20 minutes but could last up to an hour. They are looking for two bursts in activity in which the baby's heart rate is elevated, and remains elevated, for some time. This little girl has no problem meeting this goal. I never have to stay longer than the minimum of 20 minutes. It's actually quite a relaxing time for me and I enjoy getting to just sit and listen to her heartbeat.


She is head down and has been the last couple of visits. I believe I started having some Braxton Hicks contractions the other night and yesterday the nurse told me she picked up a lot of "uterine activity" on the monitor. I asked what that meant and she said it's often a precursor to contractions/labor, but could also indicate other things like needing to use the restroom (which I had just done) or being dehydrated (but I'd had some water and coffee that morning already...). I've had a feeling from the beginning that this girl was going to come early...I just need her to wait a couple of weeks! I start maternity leave on May 12th (just 2 weeks away!) and would appreciate it if she could wait until then.

It' so surreal to think that I will finally get to meet this baby so soon. That I will be a mother of two. That I will have a daughter. That the journey of the past 9 months is about to be over and I will begin another one. I'm at once excited and terrified.

We continue to be so blessed with caring friends and family. With so many loved ones praying for us and our baby girl. I know we aren't the only ones anxious to meet her. I can't wait to tell her how loved she was even before she was born. How so many prayed for her.

No more counting down the months. We're down to weeks...days...until we are holding this little miracle.

Oh sheesh...pray for us!

:)

Opportunities in Trials

When my mom was first diagnosed with cancer she began a prayer journal. She initially titled this journal "Trials of Cancer." At some point, maybe when the cancer had returned and the prognosis was certainly more grim, she crossed out the word "Trials" and replaced it with the word "Opportunities." This journal is a gift that her loved ones have now. It is a window into the heart of a woman who loved the Lord and her family with such fierceness and wanted to use her trials as opportunities to share that love with them and others. What a legacy she left.

I haven't written anything in a while, really because I don't know what I would have said. Dane and I also feel strongly that we don't anyone's pity and we certainly don't want judgement being passed on our daughter now or after she is born. But I think I'm at a point where I can put some of this out there, hope for more prayers and possibly encourage someone who needs encouragement...

This pregnancy has been a trial. From the very beginning I struggled with intense fears that something would go wrong and I would lose this baby. I prayed for peace and shared with some close friends my worries so that they could be praying too.
At our 20 week ultrasound, I was nervous but excited to finally be able to hear the words "everything looks perfect" and therefore receive the peace I had so been desiring.
Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
Our doctor told us that she looked healthy, but that there was some small concern about one of the ventricles in her brain. It appeared to be measuring mildly larger than it should be and it was something we would need to look at again in 4 weeks.
In 4 weeks we had another ultrasound, and the issue was still present. We were sent to Mercy Hospital (formally St. John's) to meet with a fetal care team and have a level II ultrasound. This ultrasound revealed that the lateral (rear) ventricles were both mildly enlarged and additionally, the doctor could not locate the baby's corpus callosum (a structure in the brain that connects the left and right side, providing communication between the two). Because of these findings, we were encouraged to do an amniocentesis to determine if there were any other contributing factors (like a chromosomal abnormality or an infection).
The results from the anmio were great. There were no other contributing factors found. This was such encouraging news!
But there was still plenty to worry about. What if the ventricles grew larger? What if they don't find the corpus callosum? What will that mean for our baby and her neurological development? Are there other abnormalities of her brain that they haven't been able to detect yet?
On March 4th we had another ultrasound (we will have ultrasounds with our fetal care team every 3 weeks or so for the remainder of the pregnancy).
I was sick with worry. I feared the worst. So, I prayed. Mostly, I prayed that God would lift the fear from me and help me to rest in His plan for us and our little girl.
The appointment was so good. Our nurse is so great and encouraging. The ultrasound tech was so sweet. The doctor (who we found out has literally written the book on sonography!) was funny and put us at ease.
And guess what? There has been no change in the ventricles. There are no other abnormalities that they can see. And, he was even able to detect at least a portion of the corpus callosum...so it's at least partially there! He stressed that it is very hard to locate a corpus callosum on an ultrasound and that this was all very mild. Praise the Lord!
Moving forward we will meet with pediatric neurologists who will be able to share with us what we can possibly expect once she is born. They will also work with her after she is born as she grows and develops. This could all mean very little for her. She could be absolutely perfectly fine. Or she could have some mild developmental delays. We'll find out more about how all of this could affect her after we meet with the doctors.

And that's where we're at.
Still a lot that we don't know and can't know until she is born. But, so far there has been a lot of encouraging news.
However, I think it's fair to say that this pregnancy has been (and will continue to be) a trial. But, there have been so many opportunities as well.
Dane and I have had the opportunity to learn how to humble ourselves and ask others for prayer. We have had the opportunity to work on understanding what it means to trust in the Lord and His plan. I have had the opportunity to start letting go of worry and fear and find the peace that this can bring. Friends and family have had the opportunity to pour love and faith into us, daily encouraging us through uplifting texts, phone calls, prayers, and Bible verses. The knowledge that so many people are praying for and loving our daughter already has been overwhelming. The opportunity to use our community of believers has been great.

We are so excited to meet our daughter in just a few short months. She is weighing a healthy (above average) 3lbs already and is so freaking active. It's been great to be able to see her monthly on the ultrasound pics and kind of crazy to already have a vague idea of what she will look like. We can't wait to share with you all her name and the beautiful story of how God used it to speak to me and bring me peace.

So, if you're the praying type, please add our little girl to your prayers. If you're the hoping type, then hope.

In a few months we will be holding our perfect little girl and all of this worry and stress will seem a bit silly probably. But, this trial has been full of opportunities for growth in our walk with Christ, in our marriage, in our parenting, in our friendships and other relationships. We have been constantly reminded that even in the face of hardships, God is so good.

A student said to me in a session last week, "you know, hard is hard...but hard doesn't have to be bad."
She really spoke to my heart when she said that. I love it when God uses unlikely people to deliver a message ;)

For now we rest in the knowledge that He is continuing to knit our little girl together and that she will be just as He planned her to be....perfect.