Meet Claire Irene

I warn you now, this will be lengthy. There's a lot to update you on! 

Claire Irene Sample was born on May 16, 2014 at 8:18 in the morning. She was 20.5 inches long and weighed a whopping 9 pounds 3 ounces. We were all a little surprised at that since her last ultrasound estimated her weight to be about 7 pounds.

I woke up on the morning of the 15th feeling really crampy. I had been feeling this way off an on for about a week and so I didn't put much stock in it. However, I noticed after about a half an hour that the pain/discomfort didn't seem to be letting up like it had been doing previously. I told Dane to go ahead and go to work and that I'd just keep an eye on it. I had an 8:45am appointment scheduled for my weekly fetal monitoring at the hospital and figured I could just ask them if they thought I was in labor or not. 

I had Reed with me because I thought he might enjoy getting to hear the baby's heart beat and seeing her on the ultrasound. We walked in and I signed in at the desk while Reed went over to the kids corner. As I walked over to be with him a nurse passed me and said, "are you alright, hon?" I told her I thought I was having contractions and she immediately brought me back to sit and begin my monitoring. Apparently I looked a lot worse than I thought ;) 

She told me that I was having contractions that were about 3 minutes apart. They weren't super strong but they were frequent, but it appeared that I was in early labor. They called my doctor and she said to go ahead and admit me. 

Pat came to get Reed and Dane left work to come and be with me. 

I was 3cm dilated at the time they admitted me and my labor progressed pretty slowly. I had frequent contractions that just never got super strong. By the evening I was only about 4cm's so they decided to break my water and start a slow pitocin drip. At this point I also opted for the epidural. 

We "slept" as much as we could that night and by early morning it was just about go time. I'll skip all the gory details and just say that while she weighed more than Reed I had a much easier time delivering her. 

A little bit after she was born, my dad and Pat brought big bro up to the hospital. Reed was super excited to come and finally meet his baby sister :)

Now, how did we settle on her name you ask? 

Well, I had liked Claire for a while and Dane and I knew we wanted to name our daughter after my grandma, Betty Irene, who meant a lot to us both. I had proposed Claire Irene and while we were pretty certain this would be her name, Dane was still considering it. 

After our 20 week appointment when we found out we would need to follow up on a possible brain concern, I was obviously a bit worried. That night I was on the couch trying not to fall prey to my fears. I decided to Google the meaning of the name Claire Irene since that was what I was pretty sure she'd be named. What I found completely solidified her name for us. 

I typed in "Claire" and found that it means "clear, or bright."

Then, I typed in "Irene" and felt the Lord speaking to me. You see, Irene means "peace." My computer screen was filled with the word "peace." The very thing I had been praying for the entire pregnancy. The very thing I had been praying for just moments before as I sat worrying on my couch. 

I knew God was telling me that our little girl, our "clear, bright peace" would be fine. That I need not be so upset, that He was taking care of her and that I could be at peace.

And so now, we have the results of her MRI. Dane and I met with the neurologist just this afternoon. Claire does indeed have Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum. This is what we were prepared for. This is what was expected all along. But despite that, the news is good. As good as it could possibly be in fact. There were no other abnormalities or concerns found. She is an extremely "normal" baby. She has had no problem doing all the things that normal babies do. If we had not been made aware of her ACC there would be no outward signs that anything was "wrong" with her. The doctor was very hopeful (of course he can't say with any kind of certainty) that we can expect her to have little to no delays as she grows and develops. It appears that her case of ACC is what they call an isolated incident, meaning that it was not caused by/is occurring with some other abnormality. 

She is really an easy baby so far. She sleeps well, she eats well, and she cries sparingly. Reed is reacting to her like any 3.5 year old would. He loves her and is super interested in her, but is also acting out a bit more and wanting to make sure he still has mom and dad's love and attention. 

Tomorrow is Dane's last day of paternity leave so prayers are welcome for me. I'm a little nervous about having two kids by myself all day. I think once we establish our routine we'll be fine, but it's gonna be tough at first. I'm super thankful that Pat has offered to keep her Thursday's with Reed and will also be taking him to VBS at her church for a week in June. 

Thank you all for praying with and for us and our baby girl throughout the last few months. We truly felt the love of the community of believers we have. It brought us a lot of comfort and peace. We know we are super blessed.

One last thing...Reed has to have a third eye surgery next week (June 6) to correct a vertical misalignment in his right eye. This is not uncommon for kids with strabismus (to have to have multiple surgeries as they grow) but it's no fun nonetheless. I'm a bit nervous because this will be the first surgery that he will be old enough to remember/understand and as his mom, that's gonna be hard. Prayers that all goes well and it ends up just being no big deal at all. 

The Final Countdown!

Oh goodness you guys. We will be meeting this little girl so soon!

There isn't much new information to write about regarding her neurological issues. We met with the pediatric neurologist. He was very nice and gave us some good information. On the day after she is born they will conduct an MRI in order to determine if (a) the corpus callosum is entirely absent, partially absent, or not absent at all, and (b) if there are any other abnormalities not detected on the ultrasounds. This gave me some peace. I had images of them taking her from me moments after she was born to perform this test. Luckily we will have some time with her and we will even be able to go with her as they perform the MRI. We learned that she will also have an eye doctor and another kind of doctor (I forgot) check in on her because issues with the corpus callosum could cause problems with the optic nerves and the endocrine system due to their placement in the brain right next to the cc. He told us that aside from the mild ventriculomegaly and possible absence of the cc, her brain looks normal. It has stayed in the normal growth range for brain development and her head size has as well. This is very encouraging and is more evidence that her neurological abnormalities could have little to no affect on her. But, as always, we'll have to wait and see.

She will be evaluated right after birth to determine if she needs to spend any time in the NICU, but the doctors are pretty confident that she won't have to. Dane and I are going to tour the NICU and meet with some nurses there, however, so we can be prepared if she does end up needing to be there for a bit. We will also have one more ultrasound (next week) to check out the brain, head size, and ventricles.

About 3 weeks ago I began weekly monitoring. Every Thursday morning I head to the Mercy Maternal and Fetal Health Center. I have a brief ultrasound done that simply measures the fluid levels around the baby (no looking at the brain) and then I get set up to have the baby's heart monitored. The heart monitoring takes at minimum 20 minutes but could last up to an hour. They are looking for two bursts in activity in which the baby's heart rate is elevated, and remains elevated, for some time. This little girl has no problem meeting this goal. I never have to stay longer than the minimum of 20 minutes. It's actually quite a relaxing time for me and I enjoy getting to just sit and listen to her heartbeat.


She is head down and has been the last couple of visits. I believe I started having some Braxton Hicks contractions the other night and yesterday the nurse told me she picked up a lot of "uterine activity" on the monitor. I asked what that meant and she said it's often a precursor to contractions/labor, but could also indicate other things like needing to use the restroom (which I had just done) or being dehydrated (but I'd had some water and coffee that morning already...). I've had a feeling from the beginning that this girl was going to come early...I just need her to wait a couple of weeks! I start maternity leave on May 12th (just 2 weeks away!) and would appreciate it if she could wait until then.

It' so surreal to think that I will finally get to meet this baby so soon. That I will be a mother of two. That I will have a daughter. That the journey of the past 9 months is about to be over and I will begin another one. I'm at once excited and terrified.

We continue to be so blessed with caring friends and family. With so many loved ones praying for us and our baby girl. I know we aren't the only ones anxious to meet her. I can't wait to tell her how loved she was even before she was born. How so many prayed for her.

No more counting down the months. We're down to weeks...days...until we are holding this little miracle.

Oh sheesh...pray for us!

:)

Opportunities in Trials

When my mom was first diagnosed with cancer she began a prayer journal. She initially titled this journal "Trials of Cancer." At some point, maybe when the cancer had returned and the prognosis was certainly more grim, she crossed out the word "Trials" and replaced it with the word "Opportunities." This journal is a gift that her loved ones have now. It is a window into the heart of a woman who loved the Lord and her family with such fierceness and wanted to use her trials as opportunities to share that love with them and others. What a legacy she left.

I haven't written anything in a while, really because I don't know what I would have said. Dane and I also feel strongly that we don't anyone's pity and we certainly don't want judgement being passed on our daughter now or after she is born. But I think I'm at a point where I can put some of this out there, hope for more prayers and possibly encourage someone who needs encouragement...

This pregnancy has been a trial. From the very beginning I struggled with intense fears that something would go wrong and I would lose this baby. I prayed for peace and shared with some close friends my worries so that they could be praying too.
At our 20 week ultrasound, I was nervous but excited to finally be able to hear the words "everything looks perfect" and therefore receive the peace I had so been desiring.
Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
Our doctor told us that she looked healthy, but that there was some small concern about one of the ventricles in her brain. It appeared to be measuring mildly larger than it should be and it was something we would need to look at again in 4 weeks.
In 4 weeks we had another ultrasound, and the issue was still present. We were sent to Mercy Hospital (formally St. John's) to meet with a fetal care team and have a level II ultrasound. This ultrasound revealed that the lateral (rear) ventricles were both mildly enlarged and additionally, the doctor could not locate the baby's corpus callosum (a structure in the brain that connects the left and right side, providing communication between the two). Because of these findings, we were encouraged to do an amniocentesis to determine if there were any other contributing factors (like a chromosomal abnormality or an infection).
The results from the anmio were great. There were no other contributing factors found. This was such encouraging news!
But there was still plenty to worry about. What if the ventricles grew larger? What if they don't find the corpus callosum? What will that mean for our baby and her neurological development? Are there other abnormalities of her brain that they haven't been able to detect yet?
On March 4th we had another ultrasound (we will have ultrasounds with our fetal care team every 3 weeks or so for the remainder of the pregnancy).
I was sick with worry. I feared the worst. So, I prayed. Mostly, I prayed that God would lift the fear from me and help me to rest in His plan for us and our little girl.
The appointment was so good. Our nurse is so great and encouraging. The ultrasound tech was so sweet. The doctor (who we found out has literally written the book on sonography!) was funny and put us at ease.
And guess what? There has been no change in the ventricles. There are no other abnormalities that they can see. And, he was even able to detect at least a portion of the corpus callosum...so it's at least partially there! He stressed that it is very hard to locate a corpus callosum on an ultrasound and that this was all very mild. Praise the Lord!
Moving forward we will meet with pediatric neurologists who will be able to share with us what we can possibly expect once she is born. They will also work with her after she is born as she grows and develops. This could all mean very little for her. She could be absolutely perfectly fine. Or she could have some mild developmental delays. We'll find out more about how all of this could affect her after we meet with the doctors.

And that's where we're at.
Still a lot that we don't know and can't know until she is born. But, so far there has been a lot of encouraging news.
However, I think it's fair to say that this pregnancy has been (and will continue to be) a trial. But, there have been so many opportunities as well.
Dane and I have had the opportunity to learn how to humble ourselves and ask others for prayer. We have had the opportunity to work on understanding what it means to trust in the Lord and His plan. I have had the opportunity to start letting go of worry and fear and find the peace that this can bring. Friends and family have had the opportunity to pour love and faith into us, daily encouraging us through uplifting texts, phone calls, prayers, and Bible verses. The knowledge that so many people are praying for and loving our daughter already has been overwhelming. The opportunity to use our community of believers has been great.

We are so excited to meet our daughter in just a few short months. She is weighing a healthy (above average) 3lbs already and is so freaking active. It's been great to be able to see her monthly on the ultrasound pics and kind of crazy to already have a vague idea of what she will look like. We can't wait to share with you all her name and the beautiful story of how God used it to speak to me and bring me peace.

So, if you're the praying type, please add our little girl to your prayers. If you're the hoping type, then hope.

In a few months we will be holding our perfect little girl and all of this worry and stress will seem a bit silly probably. But, this trial has been full of opportunities for growth in our walk with Christ, in our marriage, in our parenting, in our friendships and other relationships. We have been constantly reminded that even in the face of hardships, God is so good.

A student said to me in a session last week, "you know, hard is hard...but hard doesn't have to be bad."
She really spoke to my heart when she said that. I love it when God uses unlikely people to deliver a message ;)

For now we rest in the knowledge that He is continuing to knit our little girl together and that she will be just as He planned her to be....perfect.

The Big Three

Reed turned three years old on December 2nd. I mean seriously...how did that happen? Wasn't he just born? Wasn't I just falling asleep with him on my chest lying on the couch? Wasn't he just learning how to walk? Now I am beginning to understand why my dad would say, "I blinked and then she was getting married." It really does go by so so fast.

That being said, I love having a three year old. It's trying and frustrating and sometimes I want to pull my hair out...but mostly, it's a lot of fun. Reed is his own person now, with his own personality and quirks and communication abilities and interests. It's so fun to see all of this developing. Reed is very intelligent and I love watching him make connections, use new words, and make analogies. I even like answering his one million questions. Because I know that in answering those questions I'm helping him to connect the dots, you can literally see his wheels turning.

He is frustrating though. He is most definitely a strong-willed child and often tries to test his limits with me and Dane. Sometimes it's easier to lose my patience and yell. But most of the time it's completely ineffective and only serves to upset me, or Reed...or both. I have found (through lots of trial and error) that it's best to remain calm with Reed and offer choices, make it a game, or have him be a part of finding the solution. I'm not saying that we are never stern with him or that he never gets punished for his actions. We believe that sometimes this is absolutely necessary, but in many cases it's just not what's most effective with Reed.

Maybe that's not how you do it with your kid, but I'm willing to bet that your kid is different than mine. We're figuring out what works for him. It's a balance trying to do that and feeling like you are still holding your child accountable and disciplining effectively. And I know we're not perfect. We will just have to adjust along the way as needed.

Recently I read this article about parenting a strong-willed child and it affirmed a lot of what we've been doing and reminded me that I'm not "letting him win" by not yelling and being tough all the time. We don't want to tamper this spirit in him to explore and create and ask questions, so Dane and I just have to learn how to work with it.

The person who said parenting was no easy task was a genius ;)

Speaking of parenting...I just had my 16 week appointment and baby 2 is doing well. We have our 20 week ultrasound scheduled for January 9...and yes, we will hopefully find out the gender at that time. There are so many surprises with pregnancy and childbirth that I like to have one thing I can be almost 100% certain of at the end of it all. Excited to find out who we're bringing into our family and looking forward to getting to know him or her.

 Reed age 1, 2, and 3

 Rockstar

 Family pic at his birthday party. 

 Blowing out the candles on his cupcake. 

Riding his new toy from Papa, Pat, Pop, and Jim. 

I love being Reed's mommy, challenges and all, and look forward to trying my hand at the next one. Thank God for grace and forgiveness as I routinely make mistakes and try again the next day. 

Another school year is upon us here at GC. The students have arrived and classes have begun. It reminds me why I love working in the realm of education. So much learning and growing going on around me :)
This year, I had the honor of speaking to about 300 freshman and transfer students about the journey they are embarking on here at GC. Each year this group participates in a service project of some sort. This year they went off campus to float the Meramec River, cleaning up any trash left behind by weekend floaters and planting pecan trees along their way. I actually participated in this same river trip when I was a freshman at GC. After the float trip, students arrive at a very nice camp and then stay the night. It's an opportunity for them to be a bit outside of their comfort zone, meet other people and mingle with faculty and staff who attend the trip as well.
Traditionally, our campus chaplain delivers an address to them the following morning. This year, however, she had to bow out. After making the tough decision to remain on campus this year, she asked if I would deliver the address in her stead. Now, I have never talked to that many people at one time. I wanted so badly to say no, but I had recently been challenged by my boss to begin to emerge as more of a leader on campus this year. That's hard as the counselor, since so much of what I do is confidential and takes place behind closed doors...so while I was yelling at myself to say no, I heard God say, "but don't you want to be a leader? is this not an opportunity to do just that?" So, I chose to ignore myself and told her that I would do it.
Luckily, she was kind enough to share her notes from previous years with me so I didn't have to build the address from scratch. Phew! I was pretty nervous as I walked up to the podium, but I kept reminding myself that God had placed this opportunity in front of me and He would equip me with the confidence to get through it. And He did! It went well and I even had a couple students approach me afterwards and say as much. Dane told me I should have done worse because now they'll be asking me to speak at other events :) I don't know about that, but it was a great opportunity for me to be stretched outside of my comfort zone and trust in God's provision. I'm glad I did it.
Outside of that, nothing too exciting has been going on in our lives lately. Reed got to go to another Cardinal's game with Papa and Pat. He came back with new hat, a fred bird stuffed animal (this was the giveaway at the gate), and a new bat for his collection.
Lately, he's been bringing up Grandma Rhonda a lot. He draws pictures of and for her. He asks if we can go visit her in heaven. Then, he asks why we can't go visit her in heaven. I both love and hate this. I love that he is interested in knowing her, but I hate that he can't actually know her. I love that he asks about her,  but I hate that he can't understand why he can't see her. I'm not sure if I'm responding to his questions correctly and it sucks that he just really can't understand right now. It's really tough. Most of the time I keep myself composed and don't really let it get to me. But sometimes, I have to fight back tears and begin to feel sorry for myself. After all, she should be here. He should know her. I shouldn't have to try to explain to a 2 year old why he can't go visit his grandma in heaven.
I do look forward to when he does understand and I am able to talk to him about her and what a wonderful woman she was.
Enough of that sad stuff...here are some pics:

 We went to Springfield for the State Fair...Reed wanted to take a look at the bean field across the street from Grandpa's. 

 Grandpa's motorcycle.

 Exploring the woods behind Grandpa's with dad. 

 Just being crazy.

Making a butterfly that he would later name "special"

I can't believe that September is just a few days away. September will bring us Dane's birthday as well as Aunt Darci's birthday and wedding!!! Reed's gonna make quite the handsome ring bearer. Fun stuff headed our way. 

In Which I Explain Why Water Is So Important To Me

I was thinking on my drive into work today (dangerous, I know.) It was foggy and clearly on the brink of raining. Rain got me thinking of water. Water got me thinking of swimming. And swimming got me all nostalgic.

Let me back up a bit (and this is gonna be long)...


I can not remember a time that I was ever afraid of the water. When my older brother and I were about six and seven my parents decided to sign us up for a competitive swim team. Both of us had done really well in swim lessons and seemed so comfortable in the water that it just seemed to make sense. My mom had been a swimmer as a child/teenager and thought we might enjoy it as much as she had.

We started with the team in the summer. Summer swim teams are a little less competitive and a bit more relaxed and fun. We practiced every morning, so early that the water was still cold and was a shock to the system when you jumped in. I never felt like I didn't belong. I never felt like I wasn't good enough. I swam for my best time and I swam for my team.

My bro and I must have done well and enjoyed it enough because we didn't stop swimming when summer ended. We joined the winter league which was a lot more intense and required a bigger commitment. Every day after school we would drop our school bags and grab our swim bags. Then we'd head right back out the door. Our mom would bring us to practice and our dad would meet her there. Most nights she would then go home to get dinner ready and then dad would take us home. We'd eat together, do homework, and then I would often get my hair rinsed out in the sink by my mom so it didn't turn green. At least one weekend a month was dedicated to a swim meet. Unlike summer when meets lasted a few hours and could be held in an evening, these meets lasted 2 days, beginning at 7am and closing down around 6pm. There were hundreds of swimmers and many teams represented. These meets were for serious swimmers only. Those just seeking to simply "have fun" need not apply.

Don't get me wrong. It was fun. My best friends were the girls that I swam with. We had an awesome relay and a coach who called us his girls. When we walked to our starting block he would yell out to us and we would strike a pose showing our muscles (we were like 10...it was cute). I wasn't just ok, I was actually good. I usually raced in the A heat (the fastest) and once, when I missed my heat because I wasn't paying attention or something, they allowed me to swim in the boys heat and I beat them all! It was the slowest boys heat, but I was just a little girl and I beat the boys! Needless to say, they weren't too happy about that.

I'm sure there were times when I would have rather just plopped on the couch to watch TV after school instead of dragging my booty to practice, but I was in killer shape. When I was in 4th grade I did more pull ups than the boys during our fitness test. And swimming was a part of my identity. I was Mallory: sister, daughter, student, friend, great butterflier and IM'er. I had a shirt that said: "Eat, Sleep, Drink, Swim" and that's pretty much what I did. (I also had one that said "Kiss my wake"...I was so cool).

When we got to middle school there was some sort of political situation with the team (the board wanted to get rid of one of the coaches) and the team was fractured because of this. My parents gave my brother and me the choice to stop swimming if we wanted to. We were in middle school. Friends were what mattered most. We both stopped swimming.

After a couple years off I joined the high school team. My 10 year old self could have beat the pants off of me, but by high school swim team standards I was good. I swam all four years and made some good friends. My brothers and I also got gigs as lifeguards. My older bro and I gave lessons and advanced to head guards. Our little bro has surpassed us both and now manages a pool.

So, now you can see why water is so important to me. The only down side to swimming is that you have to have access to a pool to do it. I wish I could swim more. When you first dive in there is just this awesome peace that envelopes you. Before you break the surface it's just you and the water. No noise, nobody needing your attention...you don't need to do anything but remember to eventually come up for air.

Swimming taught me a lot of things. I learned about keeping commitments. I learned about being a team player. I learned about always bringing my best to the table. I learned that my parents would always be there to watch me and support me. I learned the importance of practice. I learned how to work with people I didn't necessarily like. I built confidence in myself. I found peace.

Maybe one day Reed will be a swimmer. Maybe not. But either way, I hope he finds something that impacts his life like swimming has impacted mine.

All Good Things Come to an End

Alas...my first summer break is over. I am now officially back at work. This would be a lot more sad if I was heading back to a job I hate, so I am super grateful that I actually like my job. Reed was excited to see his babysitter and her toys and I'm sure we'll fall back into our August-May routine with ease.

The second half of our break went well. It was so nice that this summer was not filled with scorching hot days. I'm a baby when it comes to being outside in that kind of weather, so pleasant days meant a lot more outside time for Reed. We played at the playground almost daily.
Reed encountered a boy one day who was having a hard time sharing his trucks. The next day Reed told me he wanted to bring some trucks to the park so that he could share them. He picked out a couple and I put them in the stroller. As soon as we got to the park he grabbed the toys and sought out some "friends" to share with. It was super cute to see him encouraging others to play with his toys and even showing them how they worked. He continued to bring trucks to the park for the rest of the summer and made quite a few friends as he shared them. I love his kind heart.

So, I didn't mention it in the last post because I didn't want to be making a mountain out of a molehill and I feared that saying something would only cause my anxiety to grow. Anyway, as you may remember Reed had 2 eye surgeries when he was a baby (one at 5 months, one at 10 months) to correct something called strabismus (his is a mild case for sure). As follow up to these surgeries we go to the eye center at Children's Hospital every 6 months or so. Most of the time we meet with a regular doctor, but every now and then we meet with his surgeon. Last week we had an appointment with the surgeon. I was nervous because over the past few months I have noticed that Reed's right eye has been mis-aligning itself quite often and I was afraid he would tell me we need to do another surgery. He did agree that his left eye is showing some vertical misalignment, but he doesn't want to jump into surgery just yet. He explained to me that Reed's previous surgeries were done to correct horizontal misalignment and that it's not uncommon for some vertical misalignment to occur as the child grows older. Luckily, as of now, Reed's is very slight and could correct itself. We will wait a couple months and go back to have him checked out in October. If at that time it hasn't improved, we will probably have to start patching his left eye so that he will be forced to use his right eye more which can sometimes make it stronger and correct the misalignment. The doctor did note that Reed does seem to be favoring his left eye and he wants to make sure that this doesn't turn into something more serious (both eyes need to be depended on equally or depth perception can be affected).
Anyway, all that to say that there isn't anything to be worried about yet. I am grateful for a surgeon who doesn't immediately jump to surgery as the only option. I am grateful that he wants to exhaust his other options and see if Reed's body will make the correction on its own before attempting to fix it himself. I am also grateful for a pediatrician who was able to catch this when Reed was only 4 months old so that we have been able to get and stay ahead of this and that Reed's vision has not been compromised because of it. While surgery is always scary (even routine ones) there is a lot to be grateful for here.

Here are some pics!

 After a few days of rain, celebrating a sunny day!

 Cousin love. 

 Who says you can't go for a run in the rain? 

Reed loves looking at Papa's bat collection.....

So Papa helped him start one of his own!

                                         

  Reed says this is a picture of Grandma Rhonda. In fact, she is the topic of most of his drawings.

 Playing at Uncle Tyler's pool.

 Sharing trucks with friends at the park.

 Playing the drums and singing ABC's in front of adoring fans at the park.

Mowing the lawn. 

Celebrating our last day of summer break with a cupcake and a sweet drink. 

Here's to a new school year! When can I start counting down the days until Winter break? ;)